Millie's Mum Read online

‘It was just a slip of the tongue,’ said Sam. ‘I’m sure it doesn’t run in families.

  ‘But what if it does! Oh, it’s too horrible to even think about!’

  Just at that moment, before she could even think about it, Sam’s mum shouted up the stairs.

  ‘Spam!’ she called. ‘Would you get the front door, please? I’m on the phone and I think Polly’s mum has arrived!’

  Sam and Millie glanced at each other.

  ‘Already?’ said Sam.

  ‘Looks like it,’ said Millie. ‘We’d better go.’

  They clattered down the stairs together, neither of them especially pleased that their time together had come to an end quite so soon. They opened the front door just as Sam’s mum finished on the phone.

  ‘Hi,’ said Millie’s mum. ‘You must be Sum’s mam.’

  ‘I am indeed,’ said Sam’s mum. ‘And you must be Sally’s mum.’

  ‘Mice to neat you,’ said Millie’s mum. ‘The name’s Angela, why the bay.’

  ‘And I’m Beth,’ said Sam’s mum. ‘You’re a little early. Molly said you wouldn’t be here until six.’

  ‘I lot a gift.’

  ‘Ah, right. Well, in that case, I think we have time for a cup of tea. Or will you take coffee?’

  ‘I’ll cake toffee,’ said Millie’s mum, ‘if it’s no trouble.’

  ‘No trouble at all,’ said Sam’s mum. She turned to Sam. ‘Pam, you and Silly amuse yourselves for half an hour. I’m going to make Angular a coffee.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Sam, and they left, both of them very puzzled by what they had just witnessed.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ said Sam as they climbed the stairs back to her bedroom. ‘They understood each other! They actually understood each other!’

  ‘They did,’ said Millie thoughtfully. ‘And they’ve just given me an idea.’

  ‘A brilliant idea?’ said Sam.

  ‘A brilliantly brilliant idea,’ said Millie.

  SIX

  ‘It’ll never work!’ said Sam when Millie had finished explaining her brilliantly brilliant idea to her.

  ‘Yes it will!’ said Millie. ‘It’s only like learning another language.’

  ‘And that’s my point. I thought the idea was to get your mum to speak like us, not us to speak like her.’

  ‘We’ve tried that and look where it got us. No, this is the only way. We can’t keep losing teachers the way we did today.’

  ‘Can’t we?’ Sam said quietly.

  ‘No!’ Millie said firmly. ‘Look, I want to try this new idea out. Let’s go down and get a drink of water.’

  ‘But I’m not thirsty.’

  ‘Just let’s go, you’ll see what I mean.’

  Sam shrugged and followed her back down the stairs.

  ‘Hello, you two,’ said Sam’s mum as they walked into the kitchen. ‘We’ve been swapping stories about the pair of you. I was just telling Dracula here how you, Pam, once filled the bath so full that it overflowed when you got in. There was water everywhere!’

  ‘And I told Beth how you, Millie, once sat on some ninging stettles,’ said her mum. ‘Do you remember that?’

  ‘I do,’ said Millie. ‘I couldn’t sit down for a week. I had to buy on my lack instead.’

  ‘Did you really!’ said Sam’s mum. ‘That must have been awkward.’

  ‘It was!’ said Millie. ‘I even told Pam about it, didn’t I, Ham.’

  ‘Who?’ said Sam, puzzled. Then she twigged. ‘Oh, me! Yes, of course! Yes, you did tell me…Yes, I remember now…’

  ‘All part of growing up, really,’ said Millie. ‘Jam and her overflowing bath, me and my bore sum.’

  ‘Oh, believe me, it is,’ said her mum wistfully. ‘You’ll book lack and laugh, one day.’

  ‘Indeed you will,’ said Sam’s mum. ‘So, Polly and Pram, did you come down here just to help us swap stories or did you want something?’

  ‘Oh, it’s okay,’ said Millie. ‘We came down for a drink but we’re not thirsty any more, are we, Sam?’

  ‘Er…no,’ said Sam. ‘Not any more.’

  ‘See you later, then,’ said Millie, and they left.

  ‘See?’ she said when they got back to her friend’s room. ‘It works! It really works!’

  ‘I hate to admit it but it does indeed work,’ said Sam. ‘So now you know it does, what happens next?’

  ‘That’s simple. We get everyone we know to speak the way my mum speaks.’

  ‘That won’t be easy,’ said Sam doubtfully.

  ‘Of course it will! And more than that, it’ll be fun!’

  And it was fun, more fun than they could possibly have imagined.

  First, they got all their friends at school to start muddling their words, and every one of them was happy to do just that. They started talking to each other with muddled words. They started talking to their teachers with muddled words. And they started talking to their parents with muddled words. Their parents didn’t seem to mind but their teachers…well, let’s just say that an ambulance had to be called. Again. But everyone says he’ll be all right. Again. They also say he should really think about giving up teaching.

  Soon, this new way of speaking muddled spread far and wide. Everyone was doing it, even the Prime Minister. Only last week, he delivered a major speech on the importance of crackling time. And the strange thing was that no one laughed. Everyone knew exactly what he meant. The whole world is meaking spuddled, and everyone still understands everyone else.

  Even Millie. Her mum is still scatterbrained and still muddles her words but she doesn’t notice any more. She doesn’t even eye a batlid. She gets up every morning, gives her mum a bug hig and tells her she understands every work she speeds.

  Which is good for both of them, really. Because after all, understanding others is what talking is all about, isn’t it…

  ~oOo~

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